things to remember

  • Internalized victim blaming is a real thing. Even if you accept that it was his fault you may hold onto the idea that “even if it wasn’t exactly my fault, if I hadn’t ______, I wouldn’t have been in that situation to begin with”
  • Shame is a real thing. You don’t talk about it because you’re ashamed that it happened to you because you think things like this don’t happen to people like you. Because you think that somehow you should have been able to stop it from happening. (See above re: it not being your fault)
  • Self-harm is something you’ve struggled with in the past. You’ve been very good so far. Keep being good. Don’t go do it just because somebody brought it up – just because other people do it doesn’t give you permission.
  • According to selfcareafterthatwordyouwon’tuse 30% of [redacted] victims had experienced at least one major depressive episode and 33% admit to entertaining suicidal thoughts at least one. It’s okay that you’re thinking about it. But if you start thinking about it more often or more seriously, you need to make a change. The “not sick enough” to get help viewpoint is a dangerous one and something you’re very guilty of.
  • Nightmares are normal.
  • You’re already using preventative self-care. You are doing some other self-care too.
  • You’re also avoiding. I’m pretty sure that’s also normal.
  • There are some good tips in “how to talk about it” – i.e. “When journaling, mark when you start to become uncomfortable, then see if you can power through. This will allow you to look back later and see the areas that you’re most resistant to talking about” and “When you’re done writing, go back to look for evidence of internalized victim-blaming. Mark it out and reword it” and “Don’t underestimate how good it feels to destroy something you’ve created about what happened.”

I appear to be somebody who is triggered by “how to help yourself” posts/articles, which is just… swell. Is that a thing?

Oh – Oh! AND victim blaming. I have a friend who does it. About things that aren’t this sort of thing. Just when you talk about how you feel bad about something that happened to you (your boss ignoring your input at work, or somebody dismissing your feelings), he says things like “Well you kind of brought that on yourself” or “Well you *were* being emotional, weren’t you?” How do you stop somebody doing that? Because it just makes you feel even more bad so how can you speak up about it?

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