new job!

There are lots of important things right now. I was going to post a 2013-wrap-up post which may or may not still happen. I went on vacation partway through writing it and, well….

BUT what’s important to me right at this second is I’ve survived two weeks (one of which happened with actual school actually in session) of being Bob Shannon, or more (less?) accurately: The Interim Dance Technical Director.

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I’m responding to this like a mature human being and drinking this ENTIRE BOTTLE OF WINE by myself tonight.

People keep asking me if I’m going to apply for the full-time position. I’d just like to list the job posting here, with my comments.

The Department of Theatre and Dance is currently accepting applications for the following positions:

Dance Production Technical Director/Instructor
9-month FT 100% Academic Appointment, Renewable, non-tenure track position

Responsibilities: Function as the Dance Division’s Technical Director for six dance concerts and 8 – 10 special events per year. Coordinate all lighting, projection and sound production elements for these concerts and special events. Design lighting for multiple dance concerts per year. Interview, hire and supervise 10 – 15 student hourly employees who assist with tasks related to producing the dance concert season. In collaboration with Director of Dance, oversee production budget and season planning. Supervise ongoing maintenance and operation of stage and classroom floors, lighting, sound, scenic & video equipment in the dance wing. Serve as Building Proctor for the dance wing.

ME: COOL, I CAN TOTES DO THAT! EXERCISE MY LD MUSCLES WHICH I TOTES HAVE.

Required Qualifications: MFA, or equivalent professional experience. 3-5 years University teaching experience, or extensive professional experience in the dance field. Expertise in Dance Production as Technical Director and Lighting Designer, with experience in projections and sound.

ME: HAHAHAHAHA. MFA – NOPE. EQUIVALENT PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE? MAYBE. 3-5 TEACHING? NOPE! EXTENSIVE PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE IN DANCE? HAHAH NO. AHAHAHA NO. NO. NO. HAH SO NO.

Desired Qualifications: Software proficiency in QLab, ETC Consoles including Element, Lightwright, Final Cut Pro, Isadora, Adobe, Vector Works, Ableton Live. Expertise in at least one of the following: Screen Dance and video editing, Choreography, Dance Technique, History of Dance, Professional Development, Arts Management, Dance Photography.

ME: OOH I’M A QLAB MONSTER. YEAHHH!! THE ELEMENT MADE ME ALMOST CRY TODAY. I USED THIS PHRASE: “SHH, WE’RE LEARNING” WHILE TRYING TO CLEAR A CUE AND BRING UP CHANNELS. NOPE. NO. NOPE, BUT THAT OTHER TEACHER SAID HE’D TEACH ME!, NOPE, NOPE. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

Teaching Duties: Expected to teach the equivalent of one course and teach all dance practicum students per semester. Serve as Technical Production Advisor/Mentor for pieces and shows of the Dance division’s BA students, BFA and MFA candidates, faculty and guest artist shows, as well as those of select theatre students.

ME: TOTALLY CAN TEACH PRACTICUM STUDENTS. I LOVE MENTORING PEOPLE!!!!

So basically I love to do the actual things, but when it comes to technical expertise I’m REALLY young as far as 1) actual age, and 2) my career experience. I just don’t know how to do shit.

WHY do they think I’m qualified for this position? I must come across as knowing lots of shit.

I don’t.

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