Adjusting at Home

So The Boyfriend has officially moved in – and we’re going through that period of adjustment that you go through when you’re trying to learn your way around a new living situation.

Because he moved into my place, he feels like he doesn’t really belong here and that he can’t do anything right when he does try to help out.

I know that it’s tough, and that I’m particular about the way I like things done, which makes it tougher. My stage manager side asks people to do something, then checks in on them and offers suggestions on how I think it could go a little better. So I’ve been doing that at home and The Boyfriend feels like he’s being criticized – that there isn’t a single thing he can do completely right the first time. 

I am frustrated because he doesn’t ask questions. After he has done something once, he’s been pretty good about putting it on his mental to-do list to check regularly and see if he can do it without prompting. (Taking out the trash, emptying the dishwasher.) But when he does something for me that’s a new task, he doesn’t say things like, “Do you have a toilet bowl cleaner somewhere and I just don’t see it?” He just uses whatever’s at hand. 

Last night, he cut onions on my Silpat because he couldn’t find the cutting board. There are four of them, and they all live in the cabinet with the Silpat. If he’d texted me, I would have told him where they were. I didn’t get mad at him, but I pointed out where they were and explained what the thing he used was actually for, and now he won’t make that mistake again. It’s just the fact that it happened even once; did he not look? Did he not wonder what the little markings were for rolling out dough? 

He texted me yesterday asking if I wanted him to get anything for me while he was at the grocery store. I told him eggs, and Rudi’s multigrain bread in the gluten-free freezer section, and 1/2 lb of deli turkey, not sliced too thin, whatever was on sale. 

He got eggs. So that’s good! And then he bought some sort of package of sliced turkey from the refrigerated section, which is a mistake I understand, I guess, except that I specified weight and thickness, so why didn’t he text me saying, “All the packages are a whole pound” so I could say, “Oh, will you go to the counter and buy it fresh?” I have this weird thing about packaged deli meat; I won’t eat it. I tell myself it’s fine and I should, but I will literally let it go bad and throw it away. Then he couldn’t find the gluten-free bread that I wanted, because he didn’t look for the freezer section, even though again I was really specific about it. Luckily instead of buying a different brand, which I don’t like, he just didn’t get any. But again, if he’d just sent me a text message!

I’m also irritated about this because it’s the 2nd or 3rd time he’s gone to the store, couldn’t find something I’d asked for, and come home without it. After last time I told him that I’d like him to text me about it and ask. 

I guess I can’t be too cranky; we’re dark tomorrow so I can go to the grocery store after work and pick up those other things.

I’m cranky about other stuff too; I’m about to take my Honda in for an appointment after which I suspect they will tell me that I need a new transmission. And I was irritated about work yesterday because they kept pestering me about when I was going to come in – even though there was nothing I could do at the actual office and I can be more focused at home.

I don’t know how to handle this Boyfriend situation though. I realize I should just let things go – figure out what’s really important and pick my battles. 

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